Pondering

She watched as the sky exploded in magnificent shades of pinks and purples. Her heart aching more as yet another day was meeting its end and she was still confined within the same four walls. She wasn't even sure what day of the week it was.

Kayley curled up against the big bay window, watching as the sky darkened. She wanted to be able to go outside. Being in the room was just suffocating and in a sense she was becoming stir crazy. The only thing she had to look forward to were the times when Niall would visit.

He had kept his promise and returned every couple of days. Always under Kieran's watchful eye, their talks were always short, cold and extremely formal. If it weren't for the hint of something more in his eyes, she would have truly believed she disgusted Niall. She tried to hold on to the memories she had when he let go and showed his more affectionate side, as rare as they were.

Kieran had become more and more convinced in her inability to refuse him. With each passing day, she had come to despise him more. His arrogance, his absurd ideal that she would love him, could love him and bare his children, left a sickening feeling in her stomach. He truly believed it would come to pass and she knew in her heart, that she would never willingly give into him. He hadn't been rough with her again, though his words had become crueler with each visit. His frustration with her showing through each hateful word. She feared it was only a matter of time before he would snap and in that moment, she was certain he would hurt her physically, if not kill her.

She wasn't afraid of death. In death, came the Summerlands, the chance to be reunited to her family that she had lost. The family that had been taken from her and Nia...

Nia...

The name echoed in her head. She hated the thought of leaving Nia, but was comforted by the fact that Nia wouldn't be alone if something should happen to her. Nia had Jonathan and for that, Kayley was thankful. She was happy her sister was in love and happy. She hoped Nia wasn't too worried about her. Nia was too carefree and fun loving, Kayley wanted her sister to be able to keep that innocence about her. It was part of who she was.

Sighing, her eyes watched as the last sliver of light disappeared behind the horizon. The night sky glittering with millions of twinkling stars. What was once a spectacular sight had become a painful reminder of what she missed most... Roman and Abel. She longed to see them once again and wondered how they were. Abel should be starting to roll over now. The thought pained her. She didn't want to miss out on anything with him. She wanted to hold him close, inhaling the sweet smell that only could accompany a baby and curl up onto the bed with him.

As for Roman... her face paled at the thought of him. She had been trying to avoid all thoughts of him. Kieran's use of magic to remove his blood from her, left an empty feeling inside of her. She longed to see him again, hear his voice, make love to him... anything. But every thought of him made her soul ache. Truthfully, she imagined all the different scenarios of any possible reunion between them. Everything from him welcoming her back with open arms to him slamming the door in her face, and even once, him killing her... she was worried he wouldn't understand.... wouldn't care. About why she left so willingly, why she couldn't come back... Placing her head in her hands, she began to weep at the loss of a life she loved, of the people she loved. Silently pleading for Kieran to hurry up and end it for her. All of it.

Trapped by Delusion

 

Kayley awoke to find the light streaming in through the window. She knew she had been trapped for days. She was losing track of the days. She was feeling a little bit stronger. Though confused by Niall's presence the day before, she trusted him and as long as he provided her food, she would eat. She didn't have a death wish. Her refusal to eat was from fear. Kieran liked to play games, to toy with people... and she feared he would get a twist sense of joy from slipping lemons to her and watching her die.

His face had filled with disgust every time he brought up Roman and his eyes flashed with such anger it chilled her to the core. She was wondering how she could have ever missed the signs that he wasn't completely sane. How had Kieran managed to hide his true nature from her for so long? Looking back she was still shocked the sweet, charming man she had first met was the one who had been capable of doing such atrocities.

Sitting up carefully, she places her head in her hands. It was taking everything she had not to feel completely hopeless. Niall's appearance, though confusing, had been reassuring.

What had he been doing here and why did he leave me?

He had mention her being tried. Her body went still at the thought. Being tried for anything in this realm was almost always a death sentence. Tears swelled in her eyes at the thought. As much as she hated the thought, she would rather die than remain here with Kieran. He claimed he wanted to marry her, for her to mother his children. The entire idea disturbed her and sent chills through her body. The thought of him touching her, being intimate left her feeling ill.

Slipping from the bed and moving to the window, her thoughts drifted away. Halting on the first time she met Roman. She hadn't meant to drench him and his bike. She didn't think anyone would be around that late at night. She couldn't sleep and after spending all day watching the Red River flowing by from her shop window, she couldn't resist a late night swim. She began making the water rise and fall like fountains and even manipulated a raft of water to lay on. 

Enjoying her water play, she started a whirl pool, giggling as it swept her around and around. Soon she manipulated it to rise into a water tornado. She enjoyed be sucked into the swirling mass of water, only to dive back into the river and get sucked back in again. Eventually she tired of the tornado and clapped her hands to dissipate it. As her hands clapped against one another, the Tornado collapsed into a huge wave, sending Kayley to the river bank and showering Roman with water as he rode by.

She didn't recognize him at first, but she had seen him the night before at Fangtasia. Once she realized what he was she poofed to the middle of the river. She chuckled softly at the irony... she was so afraid of him and yet she had been drawn to him from the beginning. 

Leaning her forehead against the window pane, she closed her eyes and imagined the coolness she felt was from his lips and not the glass. She enjoyed her life in the Human Realm and she could only hope that somehow... some way she would be allowed to go home...

The Return of a Nightmare

Whistling along in tune with the music over the radio, Kayley couldn't help but smile to herself. Their talk the evening before had helped. He had been hurt when she said she would understand if he wanted to leave. She didn't want him to leave. In fact, she was positive if he had it would break her heart. But she loved Roman and to her, his happiness was more important than holding on to him, if he didn't want her. She wanted him to know that... to  realize she would support him, so if there were doubts... if he was considering it, he could do so without pressure from her.

Once she had finished decorating the store, she smiled sweetly as she called goodbye to Gwen. She wanted to stop by the store before heading home. She really didn't know much about the Christmas holiday, but she knew it was supposed to be an exciting time of year for children. Looking down at Abel's smiling face as they walked through the aisles of Christmas decorations, she wanted to do whatever she could to make it a wonderful holiday for him.

She knew she was probably going overboard, but she couldn't help it, she was excited. It had been all she had heard children talk about in the shop. Santa, presents, toys, Christmas trees, lights... their little faces lighting up as they went on and on about it. She wasn't surprised as she filled up the cart with decorations. She planned on poofing in a tree, so she avoided that hassle. She drove back to the house, happily humming along to the radio. Roman had agreed to help her set up, but he wouldn't be home for a while and she wanted to surprise him by putting up some outside lights.

As she pulled into the garage, the realization of just how much physical work that would be hit her as she gazed upon the sleeping baby. She didn't want to leave him unattended for too long in the house and the night air was too chilly for him to stay outside with her. She was aware that her magic was beginning to drain.. in fact, she hated to admit it, but she couldn't poof to work anymore, not without letting done the wards. Eyes darting from the baby and to the house as she decidedly chose to refocus her magic. She poofed Abel into his nursery, covering him softly with a blanket and kissing his forehead, before poofing back into the garage.

She gazed into the packed trunk, an uneasy feeling washing over her as she closed her eyes and concentrated on removing some of the magical wards. Silently promising to convince Roman to take a late night swim so she could recharge, as a way to calm her fears. Feeling a little better, she poofed the contents of the trunk to their respectable places. The outdoor lights landing on the back porch and the inside decorations appearing in the living room. Once on the porch, she set to work poofing the lights along the edges of the house as well as decorating a few of the trees. Smiling after just a few moments, she admired the way the lights twinkled off the calm water of the pond before heading inside.

She had only been inside the spacious living room for a few moments when she felt the air around her change.

Hello Kayley.

A familiar voice filled the space behind her and she jumped at its appearance... at his appearance. Her feet staggered backwards a few steps, her breath catching in her throat and her leg bumping into the coffee table.

What are you doing here?

Her voice panicked and her face fully displaying her fear. A slow, soothing smile curling his lips before his laugh rang out through the room.

I've come...to accept your apology and to rescue you from this...existence... You had your fun...you really "showed" me a thing or two...not come to your senses and come with me.

His hands grasping her tightly as the sound of Abel's cries pierce through her fear and she contemplates poofing to the child. Her mind wondering if she could grab him in time to get away.

Don't think about it my love...not worth it...is it?

He materialized a pen and paper, shoving them forcibly into her hands. His words taunting as he ordered her to write a letter to Roman. She couldn't even recall what she had written later on. The memory completely escaped her. She only could recall her thoughts, to write the meanest most outlandish things in hope Roman would realize that it didn't sound right. Her eyes gazing longingly in the direction of Abel's cries as she laid the note on the coffee table.

Forget the Human, Kayley.

His words were cold, the disgust echoing in each syllable. Tears streaming down her face, she barely realized when he poofed them out of the house. The comfortable setting of her house... her home disappearing before her very eyes as she found herself in a wooded area. Abel's cries still ringing in her head, though she could no longer hear him. Her heart was breaking as Kieran forced her through the gateway into Fairy.

The first thing that she noticed was the smell. Fairy smelled of sweetness, it's air pure and clean, unlike the polluted air of the Human Realm. A warm breeze swept through her hair, blowing several strands across her face as her eyes devoured the scene in front of her. The house loomed eerily just a few hundred yards away. Her heart began to race at the familiar sight.

Kieran's home...

The thought echoed in her head as he grabbed her arm and dragged her through the field. What she had once admired for its beauty, now looked ominous and horrifying. Her feet complied with Kieran's forceful pull, even without her realizing. Her mind and heart still absorbing the situation at hand. She was never going back... he would never let her go this time. She knew what Kieran was capable of. He was cruel and spiteful. She chided herself for thinking he would just let her go. She knew he was proud and her rejection that finally night had not gone over well.

He glared at her when she tripped on the stairs. Her knee hitting the edge of one of the steps, she whimpered as pain shot through her. His hand tightening around her arm, he forced her to her feet and led her into his bedroom. Her body went entirely still as he pulled her into the room. She had dreamed of this room over and over again. The nightmares that haunted her always were portrayed in these settings. The over-sized bed with plush pillows, the expensive dark mahogany posts matched the furniture in the space. Everything was lavish, tasteful and defined his status perfectly.

It's our room, lover. His lips falling into a frown as he gazes back at her. Or don't you remember?

The air in the room practically crackled with tension. She could hear her heart pounding faster in her chest as she realize he intended to have her, like he once had. When she stated she wouldn't be with him, he pulled her close him. His breath hot on her ear as he whispered:

Of course you are, Kayley. As soon as we get that leeches blood out of you...

She was surprisingly relieved to hear that. She knew the process could take months, but her relief was short-lived. Her face paling as he materialized a vial, blood seemingly rising from her skin and fill the small vial. Her heart broke as the last of her connection to Roman left her body. She hadn't been able to feel him once in the Fairy Realm, but to see the last part of him that she had being taken away was too much. The meaning by its removal only furthering her realization of how dire her circumstances had become.

She made a break for the door as he used magic to seal the blood in its glass container. Jumping as the door slams shut forcibly. His hand shoving her into one of the wooden pillars. Her head making a loud thunk against the sturdy wood frame and his words the last thing she is aware of as she succumbs to the darkness.

Silly girl. Did you forget who I am?

A dark smirk lingering on his curled lips as he picked her motionless body from the ground and laid her on the bed. The sight of the bruising on her forehead deterring from her beauty. Brushing her hair to cover the mark he whispered into her ear.

You will once again be mine and you will be so, willingly.

A taunting laugh filling the room as he moved to leave the room, sealing the room magically behind.

A Thanksgiving to Forget...

Slipping back into bed, she pulls the covers up around her. A smile curling her lips as Roman lifts his head and nuzzles it against her bare chest before falling back asleep. Looking down at her sleeping Vampire, her fingers begin working their way through his hair. She was happy to see him sleeping.

He was getting better at making a good show for her... but she wasn't fooled. He was still showing all the signs of not getting enough rest. She knew he still was feeling the effects of whatever magic was placed on him. He had even placed an iron nail in one of the legs of Abel's crib and made sure to show her and place it against the wall. Sighing, she couldn't help but being skeptical. She didn't trust humans with magic.

She looked at him lovingly as he rested, her fingers caressing his cheek slightly as she brushes the hair from his face. The night before had been awkward to say the least. She had been excited to go to Sookie's. She didn't know her very well, but she had hoped they could be friends. When Sookie never responded to her text she just assumed she was busy caring for Eric.

After thoroughly enjoying their long hot shower, a few times over, Kayley slipped into her outfit for the evening. Lifting her hair, she asked Roman to zip her up, a smirk curling her lips as his fangs extended and his cool fingers ran along her bare back before reluctantly complying. Seeing him fangy and with just a towel wrapped around his waist, it took all she had to keep from pulling off the towel and enjoying him once again. It was only the knowledge that they would never make it to the dinner if she did, that motivated her to get Abel ready.

They were the first to arrive and when Sookie opened the front door, they were hit with a plethora of wonderful, mouthwatering smells. Kayley was in awe of all the hard work Sookie had put into the gathering. She was curious about how humans managed without the ability to poof. Things seemed seemed to be looking good for the evening, until the knock on the door sounded throughout the house. Roman stiffened and uttered a name "Lacey".

Kayley assumed she had heard him wrong and tried to peer over his shoulder. Barely glimpsing the new arrivals, she was confused by his reaction. "What the Fuck. Lacey is here..." his brow furrowing as he continued in a hissed low tone "Musta faked it." His happy, slightly fae-drunk demeanor turning icy cold as he turned back to Kayley. She was relieved when Jo approached him and they started talking. It left Kayley alone with her thoughts... with the emotions she was getting from him in the bond.

She just stood there next him as he and Jo discussed... she wasn't even sure what they discussed. Her mind had been racing and pit was forming in her gut. With his ex alive, would he want her back? Wasn't the baby in her arms, the son he said he lost? She looked at Abel with a sense of sadness sweeping over her. The dinner was clearly becoming to uncomfortable for Roman and herself. Especially when his ex took it upon herself to hiss at him across the table. Only proven the stories Kayley had heard from others true. It took everything she had to keep from snapping in reply to defend Roman as they left and the girl continued her snide remarks.

His behavior during the entire event had left her uneasy and further left her feeling uncomfortable. Normally what she would have taken as affectionate seemed to come off as almost showing off. She didn't like the way it made her feel. She didn't want to be in the middle of a mind game between Roman and his ex... and yet, that's exactly how it seemed. And though he assured her, once they were home, that he loved her... wanted to be with her... it didn't change how his behavior and actions made her feel.

So laying there, his head on her chest, all she felt was pain. She did trust him when he said he loved her... but she wasn't sure that some part of him didn't question their relationship. Even more now that Lacey and his son were alive. A tear fell down her cheek as she realized that he may very well change his mind. She didn't think Abel was in any danger of being hurt, Roman loved him. But Kayley... was easily replaceable, especially since the family he had thought he lost, wasn't as lost as he had thought.

Officially Us

Her eyes fluttered open, a soft smile spreading across her lips as she sees he's still in the bed next to her. It was the first time in a while that he actually was resting during the day. Her finger gently pushing a strand of hair out of his face.

She was relieved to see him resting, days of worrying about him had begun to take its toll on her. She relaxed, still wrapped in his arms as she gently stroked his cheek. Their relationship had been such a surprise to her. She'd been frightened of all Vampires when they first met... a fact that hadn't changed much with the exception of Roman.

His invitation to Mississippi had been a surprise to her, but it was her agreement to go that was the bigger surprise. Something in her was curious... she couldn't help herself. Watching his face as he looked down on a sleeping Lily touched her. After a lifetime of hearing the horrors of Vampires, she was shocked to see one to show such love and admiration over something as innocent and sweet as a sleeping child.

She knew there was something about him when she saw him playing with Lily the following evening. She couldn't help but smile at the memory and the dozens of memories of watching him with Abel. He was a good father, regardless of his own insecurities about being one. She found herself entranced by that look of happiness that crossed his face when he was playing with Abel. Each time she saw it... she fell for him more and more.

Closing her eyes briefly, the memory of their conversation the day before replaying through her head. He loved her... the smile on her face softening as his voice echoed once more through her head. "I love you, Kayley" Her voice soft as she admitted what she had been trying to deny to herself. "I love you, too, Roman." The words still foreign to her, but yet something about them feeling right. She did love him, regardless of the dark and evil things she knew he was capable of.

He had said they were official. Chuckling softly, she still wasn't sure of what all that entailed. But it was cute watching him, with his far away hazy look... the one he always got when she unmasked around him. She'd be lying if she didn't admit that she enjoyed the fact she was intoxicating to him. Kissing his cool lips softly as she snuggles close. Her eyes closing once more and she breathes in deeply as she begins to drift off to sleep. The coolness of his skin sending a tingle down her spine as she succumbs to the darkness.

Lost in Thought

She smiled sweetly as she handed the bag of books to the customer. Bidding them a good day as they exited the store, she couldn't help but sigh. Her normally sweet smile falling into a frown, worry lining her face. The baby was soundly asleep in his playpen and as her eyes fell on him she smiled softly. She loved having Abel in her life. Roman, too, for that matter. Being with them filled her with a sense of purpose, while beforehand she seemed to just be floundering.


Of course she had been happy with her life before. It had taken time, but she had grown accustomed to the human realm. She enjoyed her little shop in dowtown Shreveport. She knew she didn't have to work... everything she could possibly want was at her will. But it was the companionship she had craved. After a life of solitude, she wanted to be immersed with others and it was only by chance she had found the little book shop as she had strolled along the Red River, last March. She had always loved books and learning and it didn't take her but a moment to be eagerly walking along the shelved walls and browsing the selections.

It was only when Mabel, the shop's previous owner, had mentioned everything was marked down because she was retiring, that Kayley realized this was exactly the kind of thing she wanted in her new life. As with most people who met Kayley, Mabel was instantly enthralled by her sweet smile and demeanor. She was more than happy to sell Kayley the little shop. She hadn't wanted to close her business, but she was older and the time had come for her to let go. 

Niall, on the other hand, worried that running such a store would be too much exposure for her. She was still young and he had feared she may be too careless with her magic and expose herself, thus ultimately the existence of the Fae. That was of course in the beginning. It didn't take him long to realize her life in Fae had left its impact on her. She was still playful, especially when she was near or in water, but the harsh realities of discrimination over her lineage had caused her to mature quickly.

The shop had become Kayley's lifeline. She enjoyed reading aloud to the children, their interested faces lighting up as her soft, sweetly tuned voice flowed throughout the shop. Kayley enjoyed being surrounded by children, though she had never once considered the possibility of being a mother herself. She never imagined it was in the cards for her. She could never understand why it surprised Roman so much that she wasn't use to men being interested in her. She just chalked it up to the difference in their worlds.

Sighing as she gazed out the huge store front windows, the sight of the river water flowing past just across the street left an ache in her heart. She missed the Fae realm. The warmth and beauty that filled it, the prestine oceans of clear crystal blue waters... The human realm had taken a lot of getting use to. Things were somehow simpler in the Fae realm. Being from a race of creatures that were inately magical, there was no need for technological advances. Homes were simple and the closest representation of how her world truly looked, could only be found in the pictures from the human fairy tale books. Deep green grassy lands, under bright blue skies, fields of wild flowers, calm beautiful oceans.... she longed to return to her home.

The human realm wasn't without it's own beauty. She discovered one just needed to look closer to see it. In a way, it was this need to look below the surface of things, that led her to enjoy her new life. She saw it most in the eyes of the children she saw daily... in Abel... in Roman... in Nia... At the thought of her sister, Kayley couldn't help but feel sad. Nia had always been more childlike than Kayley... most of it was due to her full Fae status. With the abilitiy to live for centuries... the need to grow up and mature was less important in the Fae realm. She, herself, was still considered a child by Fae standards. But to see Nia, forever trapped in that child-like innocence... nearly broke Kayley's heart. She still wasn't sure what had happened the day her family had been attacked... and with Nia's clear inability to recall any of her life in Faerie... Kayley may never know what transpired.

Her gaze reluctantly left the flowing waters whose call to her was intoxicating. Her magic had begun weakening and the signs were becoming apparent. She knew it was of her own doing... Her constant care of Abel and her desire to be near Roman had kept her from spending the much needed time in the water... she was going to have to do better at maintaining her once daily ritual or else... Shaking her head, she didn't want to consider the possibility if her wards began to fail her. It was those wards that left her home as a safe haven for her and her family. No one could venture near the house during the day, therefore leaving Roman safe when he was utterly powerless and at night, he could leave with the reassurance that they were safe.

She knew he worried about that, she could feel it. But in the same sense, she worried about him as well. She couldn't explain it. He was fully capable for taking care of himself, and yet she would do all in her power to protect him. At first she attributed this to her very character. She came from a line of Fae who were known for their abilities of protection. In fact, it was that very lineage that enabled her to ward the house... a very rare trait, especially for a Half-Fae. But after their conversation two weeks earlier, she realized it was more than that. She hadn't meant to fall for him... in fact, she had done all in her power to prevent it. The scars that Kieran had left on her very soul were too new. But somehow, she felt drawn to him.

And now he was broken...

She hated seeing him so lost... so distraught. Torn between whatever spell those wretched witches had placed on him and his guilt over their attack on Eric and the bar, he was now constantly in a state of disarray. Scowling, she couldn't help but wish humans had never discovered how to weild magic. Her distaste for witches, an age old hatred that was as old as time, past from Fae to Fae, filled her with anger to her very core. Luckily, their magic had very little effect on the Fae. But now it was being used against someone she cared for and she was unsure how to stop it. She was sure the Vampires would rally to seek revenge and while she treasured life and hated the thought of death being brought to another creature... she couldn't help be look forward to seeing that revenge played out in full.

Unable to concentrate and not wanting the children to see her so distracted, she informed Gwen that she and Abel were heading home early. Once at home, she placed the sleeping baby in his crib and crawled into bed next to Roman. Watching him for a few moments as he rested, she gently maneuvered the hair from his face and kissed his cool lips. Yes... she hadn't meant to fall for him... but somehow, she had. Laying her head on his chest and closing her eyes, she smiled softly as his arms tighten around her. Her last thought before being dragged under into the world of dreams was of how much she wouldn't want to be anywhere else...

Haunted...

Her skin had begun to crawl and her face had paled as the words left Niall's lips.

Kieran has been inquiring about you

Kayley had feared this possibility. Roman didn't know, but she was always looking over her shoulder. She'd masked her fear from him, the best she could and the moments when he was able to pick up on it, she'd curse the bond she had felt compelled to agree to. She hated feeling that regret over the bond. Of course Roman couldn't glamour her, so the fault fell on her shoulders.

She'd questioned herself the weeks following about what had driven her to agree. She knew she had feelings for Roman, but something was always holding them back... her fear. She didn't fear Roman. She was very well aware of what he was and what he could do... to her... to their son. Yet, something inside never once questioned her trust... her faith in him. She could see herself falling for him, as if watching from an outsider's point of view and yet... she hadn't. She wouldn't allow herself to. For the monster that haunted her dreams, her memories... was still out there and now he was looking for her.

Kieran hadn't always been the source of Kayley's nightmares. There had once been a time when he was a source of sweet, happy dreams and later on, some of her fantasies. She was surprised by how much her memories of him failed to reveal the signs of his true nature. The day she first met him, she never would have guessed, the charming, handsome man in front of her was truly a monster. Her heart pounded in her chest as she recalled their time together... the good... the bad... the awful. Kieran had left his mark on Kayley and it was more than the tiny scar along her flattened tummy.

As much as she hated to admit it, it was Kieran's memory that held Roman forever at an arm's length from her. Never truly allowing him to fully entry... into her head... into her heart. For this, she hated Kieran most. She had felt a pull to Roman from the day they met. Perhaps it was mere curiousity, but something in her didn't believe that. They were slowly beginning to learn more about one another and finding exactly how they fit together. She was happy with their life and now a dark shadow was slowly creeping over it.

She hated that she wasn't able to hide her fear from Roman. She hadn't meant for him to find her in the shower like that. Her hope had been that she would have found her place of peace before he rose for the evening. It pained her to hide the truth from him, to see him worry about being the cause of her distress. So much so, she couldn't even lie. But as soon as his arms were around her, she immediately began to feel at ease. He seemed to have that affect on her. Of course the bond helped intensify the affects his presence.

She feared that Kieran would always be the cause for the distance between them. Why she couldn't just be truthful... well she was never sure why she never told him the truth of her past. Maybe the wounds were too fresh and divulging into that cest pool would do nothing but keep it from healing. No... that wasn't it. As much as she hated it, she feared that if Roman knew the truth... if he had known what Kieran had done... well, he would never see the Kayley he knew again. Something in their relationship would change and she feared he'd eventually leave.

Now, the monster was back. Somewhere... he was out there... looking for her and in her dreams, he made a nightly appearance. Taunting her, tormenting her... sleep was becoming harder to achieve and peaceful sleep... impossible. She worked harder to maintain the wards around the house. It was all she had to protect them. But the process was draining and she knew if she wasn't careful, they would fail her.

She heard Roman entering the room. She kept still, her breathing even. She felt a surge of relief as he slipped into the bed, just his nearness helping ease her fear. His arms wrapping around her protectively, causing her to finally relax and soon sleep overtakes her...

What It All Means...

She stirred in her sleep, her arm touching the empty spot next to her. Squinting at the clock, she realized he probably wouldn't be home for a few hours. She closes her eyes again and sighs after a few minutes when she realizes she can't fall back to sleep. Sliding out of the bed, she heads first to the door of the nursery to check on the baby. Finding him still asleep, she allows her fingers to lightly brush his small cheek. He truly was a wonderful baby and she loved him as if he were hers.

Frowning she pulled her fingers away, as if touching him burned. The adoption had been finalized last week. He was legally (for the most part) her son. Something about the whole situation still sat wrong with her. Easing into the rocking chair next to his crib, she leans against the back before slowly rocking back and forth. Her mind drifting until she is completely lost in her thoughts.

She'd only known Roman for what, six, seven weeks now. Somehow, they'd fallen into an easy routine. Her days were spent mainly at the store or outside spending time with Abel. A smile crossing her lips as she recalls his excited laugh at seeing the ducks in the pond behind the house. Her evenings were generally filled with curling up with a book and reading to Abel. Frowning, she realized exactly how rarely she actually saw Roman. The fact that she knew so little about him didn't sit well with her.

Her gaze falling on Abel, she couldn't help wondering if he was the only reason she and Roman were even... well in a sense, together. Shaking her head slightly, she knew that wasn't true. She liked Roman. Cared for him, even. She'd enjoy their time together in Mississippi. She was surprised actually. She never would have thought she would wind up liking him the night they first met, let alone in this situation.

She wasn't naive. In fact, she liked to pride herself on being a realist. People always assumed her cheerful and sweet nature meant she couldn't possibly see the bad side of things. Heck, she wasn't even feigning ignorance. Things weren't perfect in the house... with Roman... Abel... her. She knew this and she was sure Roman knew as well. As if the fact they barely knew each other and saw each other wasn't enough, there were still other lingering... doubts.

Roman had been honest and upfront with Kayley about the loss of his ex and their child. But it always bothered her when she began to wonder if he was, even unconsciously, using her and Abel to replace them. As much as it would hurt to find out that's all she was to him, Kayley was a grown woman. She could handle that truth. It would hurt her, but she could walk away and move on from something like that. But Abel...she didn't even want to finish that train of thought. Abel was defenseless, innocent. A reality such as that could scar him for life. Closing her eyes, her stomach clenched as she imagined the possibility of him being so hurt badly...

It was her greatest fear about the entire situation. Could Roman ever just be truly happy with Abel? With her? They never actually discussed much more about his ex. He never brought it up and she was always curious exactly how much her death still clung to him. She hated doubting Roman. But what could she honestly do? Pry into a subject he may not want to discuss?

Things were different for humans... for Vampires as well, in the aspect of death. Fae moved on to the Summerland. They were even able to show themselves to the oldest remaining family member once they had met their end. Kayley recalled seeing her father after he was killed. It was hard for her to recall all the details of the event. In the end, Kayley was left only with the assurance that he would watch over them from the Summerland...

Of course the other main lingering doubt in Kayley's mind was for her own safety. Roman had promised he would never hurt her, but she still remained masked during almost every time she was in his presence. Of course, he could have drained her already, while she slept... or when she allowed him to feed from her. A shiver runs down her spine as she recalls the experience...

She really liked Roman... maybe even more than like... she cared for him. Waking to find his face nuzzled into her hair and his arms wrapped protectively around her, always put a smile on her face. She enjoyed teasing him about his "bicycle" and the way he laughed in their sillier moments. She could spend hours watching him with Abel. The way his eyes lit up and how they both seemed to always enjoy their time together. She tried to hang back in those moments and just observe. As often as she saw him, his time with Abel was even less.

She felt her concerns were legitimate. While she knew he was a wonderful father to Abel, he was still a Vampire and she worried that somehow Abel may be harmed for that fact. The idea of him bonding and possibly turning Abel in the future didn't sit well with Kayley. She felt protective over Abel and Roman. It was in her blood and she didn't want things to turn out badly if Roman somehow managed to force Abel's hand in making those kinds of decisions. They weren't neccessary measures, at least not in her eyes. Abel would grow up thinking of Roman as his father and he would love him regardless.

She didn't dare mention it to Roman, but at times when her doubts got the best of her, she silently regretted bonding with him. She hated herself in those moments... despised the fact that she was being petty... at least in her eyes. But in the end, she never wanted to see Abel have those moments. The doubts, the regets... he should be allowed to know he is cared for and given the opportunity to relish in the life he has been given.

Leaning her head back against the rocker, she closed her eyes. The late hour and the slow rocking motion pushing away the doubts... all her thoughts... lulling her once again into sleep...

 

              *snickers* I can't help it. Abel is just too cute!

*giggles* Okay so I have a little too much free-time.

*laughs* This is awful I know! But Roman doesn't pick on me for being a Comedian for nothing!

In the mere weeks it has been since I first met Roman, I’ve grown quite… fond of him *smiles softly* I never imagined being friends with one of the “Dreaded Fang”, let alone becoming intimate with one. When I saw first hand the extent of one’s blood  lust I was frightened, but when I realized how he was able to spare the baby…Abel, my heart softened.

I understand now that Roman can no more change what he is any more than I can change what I am. But there’s good in him, I see it every time he looks at Abel. A softness that I have enjoyed spying when he doesn’t realize I’m looking. None his gestures, to Abel or myself are lost on me. Thinking of each and every one of them, I am warmed by the knowledge that despite the evil he can do and possibly wants to do, he cares for both of us. Perhaps I am a silly little Fae for trusting him…but I do.

Abel grows bigger and stronger every day. I never saw myself raising a baby, despite my love for children. *smiles* I enjoy spending time with Abel, rocking him, taking him out in the sun to visit the ducks, and watching him sleep. I fear I have fallen in love with this tiny little defenseless thing that was once lost to the world. Even if my part in his life is short-lived, I am honored to have spent those precious moments with him.

*laughs* I still don’t understand Abel’s and Roman’s obsession with my hair. It seems one or the other has their hands entangled in it at all times. Life has surprised me once again. In the first time since I’ve left, I honestly don’t miss Faery and I’m truly happy.

~Kayley