Frowning she pulled her fingers away, as if touching him burned. The adoption had been finalized last week. He was legally (for the most part) her son. Something about the whole situation still sat wrong with her. Easing into the rocking chair next to his crib, she leans against the back before slowly rocking back and forth. Her mind drifting until she is completely lost in her thoughts.
She'd only known Roman for what, six, seven weeks now. Somehow, they'd fallen into an easy routine. Her days were spent mainly at the store or outside spending time with Abel. A smile crossing her lips as she recalls his excited laugh at seeing the ducks in the pond behind the house. Her evenings were generally filled with curling up with a book and reading to Abel. Frowning, she realized exactly how rarely she actually saw Roman. The fact that she knew so little about him didn't sit well with her.
Her gaze falling on Abel, she couldn't help wondering if he was the only reason she and Roman were even... well in a sense, together. Shaking her head slightly, she knew that wasn't true. She liked Roman. Cared for him, even. She'd enjoy their time together in Mississippi. She was surprised actually. She never would have thought she would wind up liking him the night they first met, let alone in this situation.
She wasn't naive. In fact, she liked to pride herself on being a realist. People always assumed her cheerful and sweet nature meant she couldn't possibly see the bad side of things. Heck, she wasn't even feigning ignorance. Things weren't perfect in the house... with Roman... Abel... her. She knew this and she was sure Roman knew as well. As if the fact they barely knew each other and saw each other wasn't enough, there were still other lingering... doubts.
Roman had been honest and upfront with Kayley about the loss of his ex and their child. But it always bothered her when she began to wonder if he was, even unconsciously, using her and Abel to replace them. As much as it would hurt to find out that's all she was to him, Kayley was a grown woman. She could handle that truth. It would hurt her, but she could walk away and move on from something like that. But Abel...she didn't even want to finish that train of thought. Abel was defenseless, innocent. A reality such as that could scar him for life. Closing her eyes, her stomach clenched as she imagined the possibility of him being so hurt badly...
It was her greatest fear about the entire situation. Could Roman ever just be truly happy with Abel? With her? They never actually discussed much more about his ex. He never brought it up and she was always curious exactly how much her death still clung to him. She hated doubting Roman. But what could she honestly do? Pry into a subject he may not want to discuss?
Things were different for humans... for Vampires as well, in the aspect of death. Fae moved on to the Summerland. They were even able to show themselves to the oldest remaining family member once they had met their end. Kayley recalled seeing her father after he was killed. It was hard for her to recall all the details of the event. In the end, Kayley was left only with the assurance that he would watch over them from the Summerland...
Of course the other main lingering doubt in Kayley's mind was for her own safety. Roman had promised he would never hurt her, but she still remained masked during almost every time she was in his presence. Of course, he could have drained her already, while she slept... or when she allowed him to feed from her. A shiver runs down her spine as she recalls the experience...
She really liked Roman... maybe even more than like... she cared for him. Waking to find his face nuzzled into her hair and his arms wrapped protectively around her, always put a smile on her face. She enjoyed teasing him about his "bicycle" and the way he laughed in their sillier moments. She could spend hours watching him with Abel. The way his eyes lit up and how they both seemed to always enjoy their time together. She tried to hang back in those moments and just observe. As often as she saw him, his time with Abel was even less.
She felt her concerns were legitimate. While she knew he was a wonderful father to Abel, he was still a Vampire and she worried that somehow Abel may be harmed for that fact. The idea of him bonding and possibly turning Abel in the future didn't sit well with Kayley. She felt protective over Abel and Roman. It was in her blood and she didn't want things to turn out badly if Roman somehow managed to force Abel's hand in making those kinds of decisions. They weren't neccessary measures, at least not in her eyes. Abel would grow up thinking of Roman as his father and he would love him regardless.
She didn't dare mention it to Roman, but at times when her doubts got the best of her, she silently regretted bonding with him. She hated herself in those moments... despised the fact that she was being petty... at least in her eyes. But in the end, she never wanted to see Abel have those moments. The doubts, the regets... he should be allowed to know he is cared for and given the opportunity to relish in the life he has been given.
Leaning her head back against the rocker, she closed her eyes. The late hour and the slow rocking motion pushing away the doubts... all her thoughts... lulling her once again into sleep...
No comments:
Post a Comment